Bar and Bat Mitzvah Gift Money
What guests usually give, in multiples of 18, and a simple plan for the money your child received: give, save, invest and spend.
How much money do you give for a bar or bat mitzvah?
Guests often give money in multiples of 18, the number value of chai, the Hebrew word for life. The etiquette guides we checked suggest about $18 to $72 from a classmate or teen friend, $54 to $180 from a family friend or a more distant relative, $180 to $360 from an aunt or uncle, and $180 to $540 or more from a grandparent. If your whole family is going, give more than a teen guest on their own would.
These are customs, not rules. A $50 or $100 check is fine, and so is whatever you can comfortably afford. The ranges are the same for a bar mitzvah and a bat mitzvah. If your child is the one who just received the money, Penny Time's planner below splits it into give, save, invest and spend, and shows what the invest share could grow to by 18, 25 and 65.
How much to give, by relationship
We read five etiquette guides in September 2026 and kept the ranges where they mostly agree, rounded to multiples of 18. Take them as a starting point: your community and how close you are to the family both move the number.
| Who is giving | Common range | Chai amounts |
|---|---|---|
| Classmate or teen friend | $18 to $72 | $18, $36, $54, $72 |
| Family friend | $54 to $180 | $54, $72, $108, $180 |
| Distant relative | $54 to $180 | $54, $72, $108, $180 |
| Close family (aunt, uncle) | $180 to $360 | $180, $216, $360 |
| Grandparent | $180 to $540 or more | $180, $360, $540 |
Going as a family? Your Teen magazine suggests $72 to $180 when the whole family attends, depending on how close you are to the hosts. A teen invited on their own can stay at the low end.
Why 18?
In Hebrew, every letter is also a number. The word chai, which means life, is spelled with chet (8) and yud (10), so it adds up to 18. That is why gifts at b'nai mitzvah and weddings so often come as $18, $36, $54 and so on (ReformJudaism.org). It is a custom, not a requirement. My Jewish Learning's gift guide says no one will be offended by a rounder number, like $50 or $100, or whatever you can comfortably afford.
Invested at 13, the $900 could grow to
$33,922
by age 65, at a 7% a year example return. Not a promise.
At 13, the $900 invested (50% of $1,800) has 52 years to grow before 65. Left alone at 7%, it passes the whole $1,800 gift by about age 23. The $180 for tzedakah is a tenth of the gift, the traditional share.
At 12 or 13, your child is the right age for Penny Time (built for 8 to 14). On their own phone or tablet, they can back small story ventures with part of their own balance and watch it grow. You set the allowance and the growth budget.
Talk it through with your teen
A week or two after the celebration, sit down together with the cards and the planner above, and tick these off as you go. Let your teen do the writing and the math.
Say this: "This money is yours. Some of it goes to people who need it, some waits for something you want soon, some grows until you are grown, and some you get to enjoy now. You decide the split with me."
Estimates only. The planner compounds monthly at one flat example rate. Real returns change every year and can be negative, and results depend on the account, fees, taxes and the market.
How to split bar or bat mitzvah money
There is no official split. The planner starts at 10% give, 20% save, 50% invest and 20% spend: the traditional tenth for tzedakah, and the biggest share for the money with the most years ahead of it. Change it until it fits your family.
Give: tzedakah
Tzedakah is usually translated as charity, but the Hebrew word means justice or righteousness. In Jewish tradition, giving is treated as the right thing to do, not an extra (Chabad.org). The traditional guideline is to give a tenth of what comes in, and Chabad.org adds that those who are able should strive for a fifth. Rabbi Neal Gold, quoted in Kveller, suggests the same 10 to 20% of the gifts for a new bar or bat mitzvah, and encourages teens to ask adult questions about it: Jewish or other causes, local or international. If your teen is doing a mitzvah project, the tzedakah share can go to the same cause.
Save: money for the next few years
This is for something your teen can name: a phone, summer camp, a trip, a first car fund. Keep it somewhere it is easy to see and hard to spend on a whim, like a savings account in your teen's name. If they have a target in mind, the savings goal calculator shows how long it takes to get there.
Invest: money for the long run
This is the share with the most time, so it is the one that can grow the most. At 13, money left alone has more than 50 years before 65. See the accounts below for where it can go, and our guide to investing for teens for index funds and what a bad year looks like.
Spend: something to enjoy now
A little money with no strings makes the rest of the plan easier to accept. Let your teen choose, even if you would not. A purchase they regret in a month teaches more than a lecture would.
What is a bar or bat mitzvah fund?
A bar or bat mitzvah fund is the gift money a teen received, kept apart from everyday spending and set aside for later. Banks do not sell an account by that name, so the fund lives in an ordinary one: usually a savings account in the teen's name, a custodial account or a 529 plan, all covered below.
Before anything is spent, write down the total and who gave what, so the thank-you notes and the plan start from the same number. Then decide the split together with your teen, since the money is theirs, and keep the long-term share somewhere that takes a little effort to reach.
Where to put the invest share
Kids this age invest through an account an adult opens, so the invest share goes into one of these. Here are the common ones, at a high level.
Custodial account (UTMA or UGMA)
Any adult can open one and invest for a minor. The money has to be used for your child's benefit, and it becomes theirs at the age of majority, which differs by state (FINRA). Our 529 plan vs custodial account comparison covers taxes and financial aid.
529 plan
A state-sponsored plan with tax advantages for education costs, including college and qualified private K-12 expenses (FINRA). A good fit if the family already knows the money is for school.
Custodial Roth IRA
Only for a teen with earned income. Each year's contribution can't be more than what your teen earned from work that year, up to $7,500 for 2026 (IRS). Our custodial Roth IRA guide explains who qualifies.
How to explain this to your child, by age
Younger siblings (6 to 11): four envelopes
Put four envelopes on the table and label them give, save, invest and spend. "When people give you money, some goes in every envelope. The invest envelope is like a seed: you plant it and wait years for it to grow."
The bar or bat mitzvah teen (12 or 13): their own numbers
Use the planner with the real total. At the default settings, $900 invested at 13 could be about $33,922 at 65 at the 7% example rate, and about $2,080 by 25. Ask them which number surprises them more, and why the gap between 25 and 65 is so big. The answer is time.
Ages 14 to 17: the account becomes real
Show them the actual statement once a year. Point out what they put in, what it is worth now, and the age when the custodial account becomes theirs in your state. When they get a first job, the Roth IRA rule makes a good next talk.
Questions that start the conversation
- "If you could only give to one cause, which would it be, and why?"
- "What do you want in the next two years that this money could help with?"
- "If the invest share dropped by a fifth next year, what would you do?"
- "Which gift will you mention first in your thank-you notes?"
Thank-you notes
Keep the gift list from the checklist next to the notes. A good note is short: name the gift, say one thing about the person, and say what your teen plans to do with it. "Part of your gift is going to the animal shelter I volunteer at, and part is invested for when I'm older" means more to a grandparent than "thank you for the money." Handwritten notes, written by the teen, still land best. Try to finish them within a few weeks, while the day is still fresh.
Where Penny Time fits
Penny Time is a free kids' money app built for ages 8 to 14, so it fits the b'nai mitzvah years. You set a recurring allowance and a growth budget. Then, on their own phone or tablet, your child gets quests: short stories where a fictional kid pitches a small venture, like a lemonade stand, and your child decides whether to back it with part of their own balance. The original investment always comes back, and only the reward, paid from the growth budget you set, is at stake. It can be zero.
It is designed to let kids practice the invest decision with their allowance before the gift money sits in a real account. You can also add part of the gift to their balance with a note, like "Bat mitzvah gift", so the spend share shows up in the app. That is a record, not a transfer: there is no card, the app never moves money electronically, and you settle cash-outs in cash. No phone or tablet for them yet? Penny Time still works as your allowance tracker.
Let them practice the invest decision
On their own phone or tablet, your child backs small story ventures with part of their own balance, and the original investment always comes back. You set the allowance and the growth budget, and approve their cash-out requests.
Where this comes from
- ReformJudaism.org: Why do Jews give gifts and charitable donations in multiples of 18?
- My Jewish Learning: Bar Mitzvah/Bat Mitzvah Gift Guide
- ReformJudaism.org: Becoming B'nai Mitzvah (Bar/Bat/Bet Mitzvah)
- My Jewish Learning: The Age Requirement for Bar/Bat Mitzvah (Debra R. Blank)
- Chabad.org: What Is Tzedakah? 15 Facts About Charity (Menachem Posner)
- Kveller: Here's What Experts Say You Should Do With Your Kid's Bar or Bat Mitzvah Money (May 2022)
- Gift ranges, from the etiquette guides we read in September 2026: Your Teen (March 2026), GiftList (June 2026), Greatest Gift (May 2024), MitzvahMarket (2023) and Amen V'Amen (2022)
- FINRA: Ways to Invest for Children (custodial accounts and 529 plans)
- IRS: Retirement topics, IRA contribution limits
- NYU Stern (Aswath Damodaran): Historical returns on stocks, 1928 to 2025 and the Minneapolis Fed Consumer Price Index: the S&P 500 grew about 10% a year from 1928 to 2025, or about 7% after inflation, which is why we use 7% as the example rate.
Last reviewed September 2026. This is general information, not personalized investment or tax advice. Investment results are not guaranteed. Consult a licensed financial advisor before opening an account or making investment decisions, and check with a tax professional or the IRS before relying on any of this for your situation.
Spot a problem or have an idea? Email feedback@pennytime.app.
Frequently Asked Questions
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The etiquette guides we checked in September 2026 suggest about $18 to $72 from a classmate, $54 to $180 from a family friend, $180 to $360 from an aunt or uncle, and $180 to $540 or more from a grandparent, often in multiples of 18. None of it is required. Give what you can comfortably afford.
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In Hebrew, letters also count as numbers. The word chai, meaning life, is spelled chet (8) and yud (10), which add up to 18. Giving in multiples of 18 is common at b'nai mitzvah and weddings, but it is a custom, not a rule.
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Yes. The guides we checked use the same ranges for both. What changes the amount is how close you are to the family, whether your whole family is going, and local custom.
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A simple way is to split it four ways: some to tzedakah, some saved for the next few years, some invested for the long run, and a little to spend now. Rabbi Neal Gold, quoted in Kveller, suggests giving 10 to 20% of the gifts to tzedakah.
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It is the money a teen received as bar or bat mitzvah gifts, kept apart from everyday money and set aside for later. Families often put it in a savings account in the teen's name, a custodial account (UTMA or UGMA) or a 529 plan. The fund belongs to the teen, so let them help decide what it is for.
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It can. Any adult can open a custodial account (UTMA or UGMA) and invest for a minor. The money has to be used for your child's benefit, and it becomes theirs at the age of majority, which differs by state.
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A boy becomes bar mitzvah at 13. A girl traditionally becomes bat mitzvah at 12, and many liberal synagogues celebrate at 13. B'nai mitzvah is the plural.
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